Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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