Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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