three words: i give head
three words: not that well
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
