theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
