Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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