Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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