If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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