I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
