she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
