I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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