Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
