There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Please don't give away my fajitas
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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