Don't make out with my wife yet
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
