I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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