I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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