ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
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She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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