we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
