Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
