How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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