You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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