i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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