Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
