please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
