My room smells like vodka and shame
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
