and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
