You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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