A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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