It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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