Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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