Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have fence marks all over my body
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
