Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
