I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
