Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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