Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
