She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
