I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
