i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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