I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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