My nipple is on Facebook.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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