if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
