Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
