Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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