We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
