He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
