I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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