So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
