At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
