okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
