oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
