I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
