She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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