Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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