I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
