that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
