I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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