You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
